Back To December

This has been due for the past couple of weeks now. No it really does not coincide with anything. It's again that time of the year when the cold waves remind you that you need warmth, care which will comfort you in the dark nights of December. A couple of years back, these nights were not so cold. I wish I had an opportunity to go back in time and change things the way they should have been. Humans, being to powerful and intelligent beings, are also one of the most helpless of all. We have the power to create memories the way we want them to be, but we don't have the power to get rid of the those that make us cry. 

The decisions I made, cannot be changed now. The steps I took cannot be reverted back. The time I did not spend with you cannot be regained back. I think I owe an apology for all that.

Last 1 year has been long. I've tried to change things, in the hope for good. Not sure whether I have been successful or not. I read this famous quote and tried to do something so that I can at least change the end, if not the beginning - "No one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."

Back To December

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life, tell me how's your family

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier then ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right

I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side and,

Realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night,

The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

It's typical to cling on to the memories you'll never get back again, and to go through all the photographs of long ago. And there below her face in the picture, you wrote her name and that date. And you can't believe she's really gone now. This last year has been busy for you and for me too. We have got our own lives. We got own own bills to pay. We got our own responsibilities to take care of. But in spite of all that, I know these memories will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't know why breathing hurts so much. I wish I could find out whats wrong with me.

Making way for a change here... I learned that even though I can not change the past, I can always change the way I look and think about it :-)

Fearless Love !!!

I may not have seen enough of this world, but one thing I have come across at so many instances is that where there is love, there is fear. Fear of losing, or even fear of winning. When you get what you want in lyf, there is a fear of losing that is so close to you and if you don't get something you want so badly, you have the fear of facing the world without your achievements. When you have a fake identity on the internet, then you have the fear of becoming public figure. Fear of being followed, fear of being watched of your each action online, fear of statcounter being hacked, fear of your e-mail or blog being hacked. But at the end of the day, what matters is not the feeling of having fear, but the strive to still carry on in-spite of those fears. It's ok to have fears, but its an achievement to be Fearless.

I read this quote by Taylor Swift  - To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearles is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's Fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's Fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's Fearless to stop believing them. It's Fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving something despite what people think is Fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is Fearless. Letting go is Fearless. Then, moving on and being alright...That's Fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is Fearless.

Sometimes you meet a person in life with whom you sync up so many things in life. Your smiles are linked... Everytime I listen to this song... it reminds me of the days when I loved fearlessly.

Fearless

Songwriters: Lindsey, Hillary; Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison;

 There's somethin' 'bout the way 

The street looks when it's just rained

There’s a glow off the pavement 

You walk me to the car 

And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there 

In the middle of the parking lot 

Yeah

We're drivin' down the road 

I wonder if you know 

I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now 

But you're just so cool 

Run your hands through your hair 

Absent mindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this 

You take my hand and drag me head first 

Fearless 

And I don't know why but with you I'd dance 

In a storm in my best dress 

Fearless

So baby drive slow

‘Til we run out of road in this one horse town 

I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat 

You put your eyes on me 

In this moment now capture every memory

And I don't know how it gets better than this 

You take my hand and drag me head first 

Fearless 

And I don't know why but with you I’d dance 

In a storm in my best dress 

Fearless

Well you stood there with me in the doorway 

my hands shake 

I'm not usually this way but

You pull me in & I’m a little more brave

It’s the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin’, it’s fearless.

And I don't know how it gets better than this 

You take my hand and drag me head first 

Fearless 

And I don't know why but with you I’d dance 

In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

I may promise to hereby love fearlessly for the rest of my life, but promises have always been broken. You were supposed to be "The One" for me. You were supposed to take care of me forever. You were the one who was supposed to make me feel fearless. I had my doubts all along the way, but you always proved me wrong. Then out of the blue, you made me realize that I was correct when I was scared. You lived up to all of of my doubts. It was as if, when I was almost healed, you broke me again. Am I just suppose to move on....to forget? And hope that its for my own good? To spare me? Because I deserve something more?  You were the one I cared about. If loneliness and pain is better... then I can say it's getting better day by day.

How am I to act as if you never came along? How am I supposed to stop thinking about you next second? How am I to delete your name, your number, your memory? I can't do that. I can't un-love you. I thought I did not want to complain, seriously, this is not a complaint anymore. I don't know how the topic being fearless turned into this. So just stopping it right here and now.

A Perfect Day !!!

For a change, I want to write about a perfect day of my life. Infact is there something called a Perfect Day?

Each and everyday is perfect in its own sense. Everyday the sun rises in the morning, but we fail to understand the importance of Sun, until the time we wake up to see clouds 3 days in a row. That's exactly what I have been going through. I did not realize the importance of being happy (even though deep inside i don't feel like that) until I found that I have been miserable for so many days now. The last couple of days have been fine, exciting, feeling like things may be back on track. Lost something, regained something that I was always so interested in. You dare not try to take it back from me again!!! Circumstances may not be better but atleast they are portrayed to be better than before. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Good to see you back, even when I had never told you to go.

I heard this one on "Wicked Hour" on FM nearly 9 years ago and I even remember the presenter's name and have been searching for him for quite some time but to no avail. It was the last "Wicked Hour" that he presented, and since then I have been wondering if he will ever come back.

At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and it's dedicated staff, he offered a question. "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?" 

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe," he continued, "that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. 

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning." 

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's Team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. 

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, would the team let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. 

Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. 

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. 

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. 

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. 

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" 

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. 

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!" 

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team. 

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

Today Was A Fairytale

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

Today was a fairytale

You were the prince

I used to be a damsel in distress

You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six

Today was a fairytale

Today was a fairytale

Today was a fairytale

I wore a dress

You wore a dark grey t-shirt

You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess

Today was a fairytale

Time slows down when ever you're around

But can you feel this magic in the air? 

It must have been the way you kissed me 

Fell in love when I saw you standing there 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

Today was a fairytale 

You've got a smile that takes me to another planet 

Every move you make everything you say is right 

Today was a fairytale 

Today was a fairytale 

All that I can say is now it's getting so much clearer 

Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face 

Today was a fairytale 

Time slows down whenever you're around, yeah 

But can you feel this magic in the air? 

It must have been the way you kissed me 

Fell in love when I saw you standing there 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

Time slows down whenever you're around 

I can feel my heart 

It's beating in my chest 

Did you feel it? 

I can't put this down 

But can you feel this magic in the air? 

It must have been the way you kissed me 

Fell in love when I saw you standing there 

It must have been the way 

But can you feel this magic in the air? 

It must have been the way you kissed me 

Fell in love when I saw you standing there 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

It must have been the way 

Today was a fairytale 

Oh, oh, yeah, oh 

Today was a fairytale

Things are better today. It was a good day.. just like I would have taken this song for. Some good news, not related to me of-course, but there are times in lyf that some good news regarding someone far away from us makes us smile. Sometimes, we just need a reason to smile and today I got that reason. I will remember this day always. Will definitely write more on this aspect of my lyf.

You're Not Sorry ...........................

  

Some days are just not meant to be your way. Whatever I do, whatever I say, it is going against me. Seems like I am a lone fighter in this battle which I have already lost, but still trying to change the fate. I wish this was all a dream. I have tried to become everyone but me... and that too for everyone else's sake. My skool mates wanted me to help them as much as I could. My high skool friends, took all the advantage of me as much they could (not unknowingly though). Now I understand that is has been correctly said:

The toughest task in this world is to remain yourself even when people are constantly trying to make you someone else.

Today, I could not recognize myself in the mirror. I forgot when I saw the the real me.

There have been days when I was alone, I was sad, I was broken, but today is something different. I am not broken, not sad and not alone also, but things don't seem perfect. Something is missing, lyf is lacking out on something. Maybe its the lyf in itself only which I am missing. Doing right ends up as doing wrong. Making a point to someone seems like I am trying to make my presence felt and the point in talking seems meaningless. This is only my part of the story, maybe the other part would be exactly opposite. I don't belong here. I am really an Outsider.. trying to find a place for myself. Squeezing in, adjusting, trying my best, but each day still making me realize that its all in vain. Every morning a battle starts and every evening, I end up losing that and losing a little more faith on the belief that I really do belong here. Do I really belong in this stupid world, full of selfish people, some for money and some for love? Everyone wants to have everything, but no one wants to share anything. 

You're Not Sorry

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

All this time I was wasting,

Hoping you would come around

I've been giving out chances every time

And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long

Baby but I figured you out

And you're thinking we'll be fine again,

But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no oh

Looking so innocent,

I might believe you if I didn't know

Could've loved you all my life

If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets

And I'm tired of being last to know

And now you're asking me to listen

Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no, oh

You're not sorry no no oh

You had me crawling for you honey

And it never would've gone away, no

You used to shine so bright

But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no oh

You're not sorry, no no oh 

I wish I could...

There is no one else except you who can understand and feel your pain. People always try to portray as friends, as well-wishers, as colleagues, but at the end of the day, they will not hesitate to slit your throat with the knife of trust.

Our Song - A Song For Us !!!

The other day I was thinking that we have spent so much of time together that it seems like I have spent one lifetime with you and if I can going on talking about that, I will take two lifetimes to tell the complete story. When we talk, we create a story and when we don't talk we create more stories :-)

I can actually write a blog entry for each day I spent with you, but maybe you won't be interested in all those details. For you, it may just be a good evening, a nice day or a sad day, but for me every day was like a celebration. And that, I think, is the real measure of friendship — being able to love to be with each other, no matter for how long — and no regrets if that could not have been possible in years.
So this song fits exactly what I have to say to you. I may never say this to you face to face and I also know that you will never read this blog, but still I have to take out my feelings, so this is that place where I am a stranger and I can say whatever I feel and whatever I have to say to you. People will tak everything about you and me, but it is none of our business what they talk about us and I am least concerned about that. And so are you, isnt't it?

Our Song

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car

He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song
And he says...


[Chorus:]
Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

[Repeat Chorus]


I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

 Cause our song is the slamming screen door
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
Cause it's late and his mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have"
And when I got home, before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I... wrote down our song

Our relationship, though best not classified on the human defined terminology, is a little bit similar to this song too. I loved being on the phone late at night when I was not supposed to be. So this part of the song reminds me of the conversations that I have had late at night. If I could write a song to describe what is there on my mind, this would have been the perfect song that I could have written... Only if I was Taylor Swift :-)

Beginning of The End....

So finally The End is here. Seems like it was just yesterday when it all started. Sometimes you feel, you are related to some people, but you are unable to find a suitable answer to convince yourself of the reason.

When we are separated from things we love, we feel sad and this is human tendancy, because we fail to see what is there on the other side of the horizon. Every new start requires an end. So instead of being discouraged, infact we should understand the whole crux of every end. Every change is probably for the good. The search for every new begining requires with what a begining needs... An end. And we do realize this eventualy, but its always too late. How can we stay ignorant to the fact that this change or this ending is going to change our life forever in the best of ways.

Sometimes in lyf you meet people and you make un-ending relationships with them. It's so hard to think of life without them because they form an integral part of your day to day life. You are so much involved with them that if for one day you don't be with them, life seems to be so much messed up. That is what I am feeling today. It’s all coming to an end, infact it already did. I hope that the color of pasture ahead is green from here on.

I just hope this end is just the beginning of a new chapter.

These people inspire you and start influencing your life in way that you ultimately have this urge to be like them, do what they do, like what they like, etc. Entwined with others characteristics, we forget that we have our very own existence, a person, a heart, a couple of feelings and a sinful mind to take care of various things around us.

All we want for our best friend is for them to be happy. Every time you see them, you feel grounded, like everything is going to be fine. That is the feeling you have also if you are fortunate enough to live closer to your best friend.

Tim McGraw

Songwriters: Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison;

You said the way my blue eyes shined,

Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

I said: "That's a lie"

Just a boy in a Chevy truck,

That had a tendency of gettin' stuck,

On backroads at night

An' I was right there beside him all summer long

An' then the time we woke up to find that summer'd gone

But when you think: Tim McGraw,

I hope you think my favorite song

The one we danced to all night long:

The moon like a spotlight on the lake

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

September saw a month of tears,

An' thankin' God that you weren't here,

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed,

Is a letter that you never read,

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet,

An' lookin' back on all of that, it's nice to believe:

When you think: Tim McGraw,

I hope you think my favorite song

The one we danced to all night long:

The moon like a spotlight on the lake

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

And I'm back for the first time since then:

I'm standin' on your street,

An' there's a letter left on your doorstep,

An' the first thing that you'll read:

Is: "When you think: Tim McGraw,

"I hope you think my favorite song"

Some day you'll turn your radio on,

I hope it takes you back to that place

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

Oh, think of me,

Mmmm

You said the way my blue eyes shined,

Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

I said: "That's a lie"

Time passes us by, but our friendship never changes, it’s like the only thing in our life that doesn't evolve. It just stays as blissful and pure as it has always been. Always picking up from where we left off. Every time you see them, you start thinking about your life, the things you want to change. I would take it as a positive thing. It’s like you start to understand all the things in you life, start looking at your priorities and begin to make changes. So the positive side of having such a unique friendship with miles and miles between us, is its so special because even when we do not see each other, we grow, we change, and we stay the closest of friends. Life blossoms and we always have our friends through everything.

As someone said .... I hate Goodbyes, but I guess its time....