I don't know what I am writing for. Shall I write a simple e-mail rather than this blog? How does it matter. In this virtual world, no one knows who I am and what I am writing about. No one cares that much. No one has time to understand. After all, I have not been able to make myself famous.
I know what it means to die everyday a little bit more than yesterday. I want you to know that you're still on my mind, but I cannot confess it to you anymore. You'll probably see this pretty soon, and that's the reason I wrote this.
Sometimes you just cant explain what you are going through. You have to just feel it. It may not be the most comfortable feeling in the world, though it sometimes is worth the pain to understand others.
You think my lyf has the best of everything in it and I am the most happy person in this world. Well no one in this world is happy. If you see them happy, its just that they are hiding their pains and problems deep within themselves. I have become somewhat of those kinds. I tend to keep things to myself. I try to stay as much cool and happy as I can, but I am a human being, sometimes I too have to let it out. And this is the place where I write my heart and soul. How long I can live like this, I am not sure about it. I wish I could tell someone all the things that I have always wanted to. There is no one with whom I want to share all that. That's why most of the times I stay quiet on the outside, but keep talking with myself inside. I am not cribbing about what the heck lyf I have and all of my problems. I am just trying to come to terms with myself in accepting all this by writing it here.
I Almost Do
Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;
I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me, not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.
I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me, not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.
I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.
I am aware that even at odd times in the night (or morning I should say) you are thinking about me. So as the song says, I just want to tell you that it's not easy for me not to call you and not stay in touch. It's so damn tough, that I never thought I would do it. I am keeping this distance not with you, but with my own self. I am not myself anymore. I am trying not to hurt you more, but eventually I will end up still hurting by staying away. That is the irony and that is why I say lyf sucks. Lyf begins when your comfort zone ends. I want to talk to you, but I don't want to reopen your wound. I think you have learnt to live without me even near to your daily lyf. I think this is good as well as the most painful part for me to accept, but I will learn and finally accept it.
I was thinking we would meet up in the little time we got. We didn't even talk, leave aside the plan to be together. I am not blaming you or me. There were days when we couldn't think about not talking to each other. A year and a half back, we were together, awake till 4 AM drinking till the time we could not stand anymore. Will we ever get back our past? I wish we could.. but I just hate the thought of hurting you again. Either ways, its painful.
I was thinking we would meet up in the little time we got. We didn't even talk, leave aside the plan to be together. I am not blaming you or me. There were days when we couldn't think about not talking to each other. A year and a half back, we were together, awake till 4 AM drinking till the time we could not stand anymore. Will we ever get back our past? I wish we could.. but I just hate the thought of hurting you again. Either ways, its painful.
