You're Not Sorry ...........................

  

Some days are just not meant to be your way. Whatever I do, whatever I say, it is going against me. Seems like I am a lone fighter in this battle which I have already lost, but still trying to change the fate. I wish this was all a dream. I have tried to become everyone but me... and that too for everyone else's sake. My skool mates wanted me to help them as much as I could. My high skool friends, took all the advantage of me as much they could (not unknowingly though). Now I understand that is has been correctly said:

The toughest task in this world is to remain yourself even when people are constantly trying to make you someone else.

Today, I could not recognize myself in the mirror. I forgot when I saw the the real me.

There have been days when I was alone, I was sad, I was broken, but today is something different. I am not broken, not sad and not alone also, but things don't seem perfect. Something is missing, lyf is lacking out on something. Maybe its the lyf in itself only which I am missing. Doing right ends up as doing wrong. Making a point to someone seems like I am trying to make my presence felt and the point in talking seems meaningless. This is only my part of the story, maybe the other part would be exactly opposite. I don't belong here. I am really an Outsider.. trying to find a place for myself. Squeezing in, adjusting, trying my best, but each day still making me realize that its all in vain. Every morning a battle starts and every evening, I end up losing that and losing a little more faith on the belief that I really do belong here. Do I really belong in this stupid world, full of selfish people, some for money and some for love? Everyone wants to have everything, but no one wants to share anything. 

You're Not Sorry

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

All this time I was wasting,

Hoping you would come around

I've been giving out chances every time

And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long

Baby but I figured you out

And you're thinking we'll be fine again,

But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no oh

Looking so innocent,

I might believe you if I didn't know

Could've loved you all my life

If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets

And I'm tired of being last to know

And now you're asking me to listen

Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no, oh

You're not sorry no no oh

You had me crawling for you honey

And it never would've gone away, no

You used to shine so bright

But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did - before

You're not sorry, no no oh

You're not sorry, no no oh 

I wish I could...

There is no one else except you who can understand and feel your pain. People always try to portray as friends, as well-wishers, as colleagues, but at the end of the day, they will not hesitate to slit your throat with the knife of trust.

Our Song - A Song For Us !!!

The other day I was thinking that we have spent so much of time together that it seems like I have spent one lifetime with you and if I can going on talking about that, I will take two lifetimes to tell the complete story. When we talk, we create a story and when we don't talk we create more stories :-)

I can actually write a blog entry for each day I spent with you, but maybe you won't be interested in all those details. For you, it may just be a good evening, a nice day or a sad day, but for me every day was like a celebration. And that, I think, is the real measure of friendship — being able to love to be with each other, no matter for how long — and no regrets if that could not have been possible in years.
So this song fits exactly what I have to say to you. I may never say this to you face to face and I also know that you will never read this blog, but still I have to take out my feelings, so this is that place where I am a stranger and I can say whatever I feel and whatever I have to say to you. People will tak everything about you and me, but it is none of our business what they talk about us and I am least concerned about that. And so are you, isnt't it?

Our Song

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car

He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song
And he says...


[Chorus:]
Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

[Repeat Chorus]


I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

 Cause our song is the slamming screen door
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
Cause it's late and his mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have"
And when I got home, before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I... wrote down our song

Our relationship, though best not classified on the human defined terminology, is a little bit similar to this song too. I loved being on the phone late at night when I was not supposed to be. So this part of the song reminds me of the conversations that I have had late at night. If I could write a song to describe what is there on my mind, this would have been the perfect song that I could have written... Only if I was Taylor Swift :-)

Beginning of The End....

So finally The End is here. Seems like it was just yesterday when it all started. Sometimes you feel, you are related to some people, but you are unable to find a suitable answer to convince yourself of the reason.

When we are separated from things we love, we feel sad and this is human tendancy, because we fail to see what is there on the other side of the horizon. Every new start requires an end. So instead of being discouraged, infact we should understand the whole crux of every end. Every change is probably for the good. The search for every new begining requires with what a begining needs... An end. And we do realize this eventualy, but its always too late. How can we stay ignorant to the fact that this change or this ending is going to change our life forever in the best of ways.

Sometimes in lyf you meet people and you make un-ending relationships with them. It's so hard to think of life without them because they form an integral part of your day to day life. You are so much involved with them that if for one day you don't be with them, life seems to be so much messed up. That is what I am feeling today. It’s all coming to an end, infact it already did. I hope that the color of pasture ahead is green from here on.

I just hope this end is just the beginning of a new chapter.

These people inspire you and start influencing your life in way that you ultimately have this urge to be like them, do what they do, like what they like, etc. Entwined with others characteristics, we forget that we have our very own existence, a person, a heart, a couple of feelings and a sinful mind to take care of various things around us.

All we want for our best friend is for them to be happy. Every time you see them, you feel grounded, like everything is going to be fine. That is the feeling you have also if you are fortunate enough to live closer to your best friend.

Tim McGraw

Songwriters: Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison;

You said the way my blue eyes shined,

Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

I said: "That's a lie"

Just a boy in a Chevy truck,

That had a tendency of gettin' stuck,

On backroads at night

An' I was right there beside him all summer long

An' then the time we woke up to find that summer'd gone

But when you think: Tim McGraw,

I hope you think my favorite song

The one we danced to all night long:

The moon like a spotlight on the lake

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

September saw a month of tears,

An' thankin' God that you weren't here,

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed,

Is a letter that you never read,

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet,

An' lookin' back on all of that, it's nice to believe:

When you think: Tim McGraw,

I hope you think my favorite song

The one we danced to all night long:

The moon like a spotlight on the lake

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

And I'm back for the first time since then:

I'm standin' on your street,

An' there's a letter left on your doorstep,

An' the first thing that you'll read:

Is: "When you think: Tim McGraw,

"I hope you think my favorite song"

Some day you'll turn your radio on,

I hope it takes you back to that place

When you think happiness,

I hope you think: "That little black dress"

Think of my head on your chest,

An' my old faded blue jeans

When you think Tim McGraw,

I hope you think of me

Oh, think of me,

Mmmm

You said the way my blue eyes shined,

Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

I said: "That's a lie"

Time passes us by, but our friendship never changes, it’s like the only thing in our life that doesn't evolve. It just stays as blissful and pure as it has always been. Always picking up from where we left off. Every time you see them, you start thinking about your life, the things you want to change. I would take it as a positive thing. It’s like you start to understand all the things in you life, start looking at your priorities and begin to make changes. So the positive side of having such a unique friendship with miles and miles between us, is its so special because even when we do not see each other, we grow, we change, and we stay the closest of friends. Life blossoms and we always have our friends through everything.

As someone said .... I hate Goodbyes, but I guess its time....

Absolutely Breathless !!!

Just came across this beautiful song. Some time back this series of performances were held all across US and UK to be like of a fundraiser and the money gathered from all these performances will be used for helping the earthquake victims of Haiti.

Life is very uncertain. There are things that in our hands and then there also things that are not in out hands. Natural calamities are one of them. We are always bogged down by the dynamic human behaviors and seldom do we have time to devote to pray to God and thank him for the perfect things, and when we forget to thank him, he has his own ways to remind us that we have to worship him. I am not a good believer in God, but I am somehow amazed, surprised and shocked at some of the co-incidences that I have come across in my life. And when his wrath is showed upon us, there is no escape rather than just give up and then help others.

The marks of these natural calamities will stay forever, but we have to live with that. Things will not change and we even know that it will happen again also, and still we will not be able to handle the next such instance. But to those who survived this natural war, the post-war pain is too much. Everyday will remind them of how this day could have been different would they not have lost their loved ones in the recent years. Un-natural deaths are much unprecedented and they shake everyone related to them. Every year, every event, life without your loved ones is very different. This is the time when others have to show their care and love to the ones who have not been so lucky like them.

Breathless - Hope For Haiti

Taylor

Swift

Here you are now

Fresh from your war

Back from the edge of time

And all that you were,

Stripped to the bone

I thought you d want to know

That when you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Lay down your guns

Too weak to run

Nothing can harm you here

Your precious heart

Broken and scarred

Somehow you made it through

I only ask that you won't go again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

So glad to see you smiling

So good to hear your laugh

I think that you've found you even

Missed yourself

I'm only asking this because I think that

Truth be told

Oh, you'll never go again

Again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Breathless

At the end of the performance, there was not even a single clap from the audience. Maybe because the audience was much too understanding that they were not there to praise Swift's song but to make that show a success so that more and more money could be raised. But no doubt the song was wonderful and each and every expression of Taylor in the video with words of the song, make such a sense that you are bound to say "Oh my god".

Natural disasters like this realize us of our limitation as human beings and to remind us that we are not God. We have to go through painful moments and these phases in our lives make us more human and make us more strong. Human brain is set to forget things pretty fast, so the effects of this earthquake will be forgotten in a couple of months or year. What will continue to exist is our ability to live through these events. Those who did not survive this disaster, died may their soul rest in peace, and those who survived, will have to die everyday in remembrance of their loved one who could not make it through.

When I'm With You !!!

I am alone today... I remember that quote which I used to get in my e-mail so often and I used to take not more than 5 seconds to delete it. It was something like this...

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

One thing I am sure of, is that you were definitely not here for a season. I am really not sure where this lyf is leading me but I am ready to face all the challenges and take on whatever comes my way. It was a bumpy ride till now, and I am sure God doesn't have anything better than this in store for me. That is how lyf has been for me. Decision taking has always been a pain, be it for any reason. Even when confused, I was never given enough time to evaluate all my options at that time so had to take whatever decision, people thought was best for me that time. You taught me live life the way you want to. Work when you want to work continuously. No one stopping you for anything urgent because you give your work the first priority in lyf at that time. Enjoy when you want to enjoy. Party every night if you want, and drink until you fall down. I knew I could do that just because of you and you were always there to help me even when I was unable to help myself. Whatever it took from you, you never lost faith in me. I was so weak and vulnerable and I could not afford even one more setback and you really understood the gravity of that and never let anything touch me. Probably I can call you something like a guardian angel for me who was sent to take care of me and hold me when I needed someone the most. In this short span of time, you taught me that we can learn anything we want.

I'm only me when I'm with you

Songwriters: Orrall, Robert Ellis; Angelo; Swift, Taylor Alison;

Friday night beneath the stars,

in a field behind your yard,

you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.

And sometimes we don't say a thing;

just listen to the crickets sing.

Everything I need is right here by my side.

And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you.

[Chorus:]

I'm only up when your'e not down.

Don't wanna fly if your'e still on the ground.

It's like no matter what I do.

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

the other half im only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl

livin' in a crazy world.

Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.

And I don't try to hide my tears.

The secrets are my deepest fears.

Through it all nobody gets me like you do.

And you know everything about me.

You say you can't live without me.

[Chorus:]

I'm only up when your'e not down.

Don't wanna fly if your'e still on the ground.

It's like no matter what I do.

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

the other half im only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

And I'm only me when I'm with you.

When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself.

Only you can tell.

[Chorus:]

That I'm only up when your'e not down.

Don't wanna fly if your'e still on the ground.

It's like no matter what I do.

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

the other half im only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

And I'm only me

Who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

With you

Uh huh

Yeah

Now that you are gone, I feel the vacuum within me. Now I understand what you meant to me and why I did not take an opportunity to thank you for all you have done. You are gone, although not un-reachable still, but feels like you are not away from me. It all happened in such a short span of time that I could not even accept and understand what was happening. You have guided me through all the situations and you can't just run away from your responsibilities. Yes it is your responsibility to take care of me. I can claim my part of YOU. A true friend, a roommate, neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them,

you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Another good quote I came across - A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

Coming soon.. Part 2 of this post because of a recent development ... :-(

When Love & Hate Collide

Situation at present is not as you think it is. Open your eyes and see the world outside of you and you will see that everywhere pain exists, but love also exists. And who wins is a choice that we have to make. You can cling on to the past and hold on to it and repent about what happened, or you can move on and take life as it comes and try to find some happiness for you and also for the people who matter the most for you. I am not talking about me because I know I am not in that league anymore, and maybe I do not even deserve to be in that domain, but for those who care about you, and love you, love them back.. so that they will never have to make a choice between you or their own self. I had this choice and I made a mistake... But everybody makes mistakes. Mistake of believing that you were in love. Mistake of believing that I was in love. I have always wanted to hold-on to our relationship, but now things are not in my hands anymore. I wish I could tell you how badly I needed you in my lyf and now that you are nowhere here, my lyf sucks... without you.

This song here has nothing in common with me perhaps but wanted to let you know that I still wanted to try to make things back to normal for us, but did not do so.

It feels like as if this whole world conspired against us and they were successful too.

And now I have given up on any hope of getting things back to shape between us I need your help in accepting the truth. One day I will probably realize that you were actually the one for me and even then I lost you.

I came across this wonderful song (originally by Def Leppard) sung by Taylor Swift and Def Leppard at a concert in the last quarter of 2008. The DVD for this concert was made available exclusively at Walmart stores in June 2009. It has a beautiful collection of songs which have a blend of Taylor's voice on Def Leppard's songs and vice-versa.

When Love And Hate Collide - Taylor Swift & Def Leppard

Note: No I am not drunk and not even asleep (though the time is 4 AM). The name of the video above is something like "Taylor Swift Hope For Haiti Now HD Better Than ...", but this video is actually When Love And Hate Collide.

You could have a change of heart

If you would only change your mind

Instead of slamming down the phone, baby

For the hundreth time

I got your number on my wall

But I ain't gonna make that call

When divided we stand,baby

United we fall

[Joe Elliott]

Got the time, got the chance, gonna make it

Got my hands on your heart, gonna take it

All I know, I can't fight this flame

But you could have a change of heart

If you would only change your mind

[Taylor Swift]

Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby

Time after time

[Joe Elliott]

Without you, one night alone

[Taylor Swift]

Is like a year without you, baby

Do you have a heart of stone?

[Joe Elliott]

Without you, I can't stop this hurt inside

When love and hate collide

[Taylor Swift]

I don't wanna fight no more

I don't know what we're fighting for

When we treat each other, baby

Like an act of war

And I can tell a million lies

But it would come as no surprise

When the truth is like a stranger

Hits you right between the eyes

Ohh

[Joe Elliott]

There's a time, and a place, and a reason

And I know i got a love to believe in

All i know, got to win this time

Without you, one night alone

[Taylor Swift]

Is like a year without you baby

Do you have a heart of stone?

[Joe Elliott]

Without you, I can't stop the hurt inside

When love and hate collide

-Guitar Solo-

[Joe Elliott]

You could have a change of heart

If you would only change your mind

[Taylor Swift]

Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby

Crazy, Crazy

[Joe Elliott]

Without you, one night alone

[Taylor Swift]

Is like a year without you, baby

Do you have a heart of stone?

Without you, one night alone

[Taylor Swift]

Is like a year without you, baby

Do you have a heart of stone?

[Joe Elliott]

Without you, I can't stop the hurt inside

[Taylor Swift]

When love and hate collide

I know I have to win this game of being hated, because of I have learned about relationships that nothing will ever end on a good note. It can always end harshly otherwise it will never end at all. I never won in the game of love, but I wish I can win in this part of lyf and forget all about us, but I am used to losing.

The Best Day !!!

Just read a blog about parents and remembered this song. Could not hold back my tears. I think I have them in excess, does anyone need them? I am offering it for free ;-)

Jokes apart, even I have been thinking to write something related to this topic and how my lyf is affected to my life. Yeah, in this episode also, as usual, I will write lyf sucks. I can remember almost each and every day when and what my folks had to pay the price (both financially and mentally) for all my mistakes in life. I have never been good or done good for them. It's not that I have done it with all my intentions being wrong, but just that due to all my actions, they have always been in trouble. In my childhood I never listened to them, thinking whatever they say does not apply to me or its too difficult to follow what they say, but today I know how right they have been all through their life. I read this quote recently in my mailbox by Mark Twain:-

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Apart from whatever I have written prior in this blog, this is another big grey area in my life. I wish that time could be turned back and I would have done whatever they had said to me 15 yrs back. Oh I wish time could be turned back.

The Best Day - Taylor Swift

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

I'm five years old and it's getting cold

I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you

I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides

Look now the sky is gold

I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school

But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father

His strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother

Inside and out he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs

Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew

So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

I just wanted to say one more thing to my parents, although I know they will never read this post online here, but just wanted to take this stuff out of me and put it somewhere and not let it die with me. I love you Mom & Dad. In my own way, but I do and I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused you all my lyf. That's why I say that my lyf sucks. I know I can do nothing but just keep blaming it and not powerful enough to end it right here, right now. I might have thousands of reasons of not doing anything like this and one of them being that I am afraid too. Afraid of consequences too.