You say I do not have time for you. Do you know how painful my lyf is? It hurts so bad. Someone, please just cure me even if that requires to eliminate my existence and end my pain. You don't know that I am always busy thinking about you only. We both started on the same career path a couple of years ago. Didn't know that it would lead us here today. Things have changed. The crowd of people whom we used to have around us have vanished.
You wanted us to work hard. I am excelling what I love to do in my lyf. I may be over-rating myself, but I have that determination and will to take me to new heights and make me a successful person. I know somewhere deep down your heart you know that I am doing the right things. This is what I was always bound to do. People are trusting me to do a lot of things for them. I can't break their trust so that I can get yours. That said, it's also not possible for me to face myself with the feeling that I have betrayed you. I have virtually forced you into so many decisions in lyf and now I just can't walk away saying that I do not have time for you. I know this is not done. Maybe I have become too selfish in this race to become successful. You have turned me into some kind of a superhero and now I can't just let that everyone's faith in me to shake.
I’ve decided not to think about you and I am starting to get used to not talking to you. I’m trying to be happy even though you can’t see the sadness and loss that I’ve been feeling. I have been trying to be strong in front the world. I’ve been hurt way too many times by you but you don’t have any slightest idea about it. You thought I was happy all this while and supporting you. Yes, I am happy as long as you are happy but deep down inside, my mind is on fire and my heart is burned into ashes. I don’t know why am I killing myself like this. Do you even know how badly I want inside just to be with you? I want you to be mine but I can’t make it happen. Because time doesn’t allow us to be together. Circumstances don't allow us as well. Have you ever been in a situation where you don't have any choice left but just to agree with the decision that someone else has taken for you, even if you know it's totally insane to accept it. I have been there. I have accepted those decisions. It is complicated and ironic too at the same time. Well that's why I say lyf sucks and I'm sorry for everything. I feel like I let you down and to see you this way you are makes me hurt inside. I wish I could tell you to move on and forget me. I have found it too fearful to even try to say what my heart and mind knows needs to be told to you. You will probably end up feeling deserted and screaming out loud to me what I have never had the courage to say to you.
Superman
Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;
Tall, dark and super manly
Puts papers in his briefcase and drives away
To save the world or go to work
It's the same thing to me
He's got his mother's eyes, his father's ambition
I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him
I hang on every word you say
You'll smile and say "How are you?"
And I'll say, "Just fine"
I always forget to tell you I love you
I'll love you forever
I watched Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world
I'll be around
I watched Superman fly away
Come back, I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down
Tall, dark and beautiful
He's complicated, he's irrational
But I hope someday he'll take me away
And save the day, yeah
Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying
He's not all bad like his reputation
And I can't hear one single word they say
And you'll leave, got places to be
And I'll be okay
I always forget to tell you I love you
I loved you from the very first day
I watched Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world
I'll be around
And I watched Superman fly away
Come back, I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down
And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't chase another girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me
I'm far away, but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day
I watched Superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world
I'll be around forever and ever
I watched Superman fly away
I swear, I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down
Come back down
As Meredith Grey says "Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it, and lyf always makes more."
I had really moved on from the last post and the offline events after that. But certainly it seems the past has not yet vanished out. It has come back again. I am fed of up this cat and mouse game. This is exactly why I wrote in my previous post "I know what it is to go insane". But people don't trust me. The same old google searches are back... now a little more blunt and straight to the point. My blog has become a kind of a clue to the puzzle to locate people. I am so sorry about it. I wish I could help.
So whatever is the reason, please stop searching and associating "______ ______ radio" and "______ ______ facebook" keywords with my blog. It has nothing to do "them" anymore.
Yes I am back to spelling it as LYF.. and that's what sucks.
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