I wish I could play guitar then this song would probably made more sense. It's so funny that when we look back at our past and think about the times we laughed, it makes us cry. And when we look back at the times when we cried, it makes us laugh because now we feel that we weren't mature enough to handle that situation. Maybe I will think about this night after 5 years and I'll smile at my own blog. This circle of smiling and crying will continue until I die. Memories of loss that can never be healed up. I guess we have to learn how to cope with different situations in different ways. I have faith in my future that some day it will make me forget all my past and all there will be left is the present. You just know some things, without any proof or reasoning. I feel like crying, but this fact in itself is making me smile. I really don't know whether I should cry of smile. People walk in to your life, teach you so many things and then when you are used to them, one day you realize they are gone. They are no more with you. They are not with you anymore to share your happy moments. When you cry, they are no more there to comfort you by trying all the tricks in this world to make you smile. All you have with you is your guitar and your teardrops that keep falling on it whenever you play any song that reminds you something from your past. These memories surface so many emotions that it is hard to express them in words. I heard somewhere that feelings that can be expressed in words are no feelings at all.
Teardrops On My Guitar lyrics
Songwriters: Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison;
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see.
We can never replace the people in our lives that we love. And the irony of love is that of all the friends I have left with me, they'll believe I loved as best as I could, even when I couldn't believe I could love at all. After this loss, I know I'm not REALLY lost. It just feels that way. But as Robert Frost said "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."
Yes so my life will go on. Don't know why god has chosen me for such painful life. Maybe others were not strong enough to handle this. Neither am I. And miles to go before I sleep.
Just wanted to add, just my perspective, If she really cares and loves, she will accept the past, see if you think you will be able to completely do away with it, perhaps its difficult, past is something that you might bury for a while but there some wind blows and it will be in front of you again, how long will you runaway from it or how long will you wait to bury it really really deep? All I know however wrong the past may have been, if this person, really loves you, and i believe she must, when you love her so much, how can she not love you back, i am sure she does as well. So don't waste more time, time fleets, may be the days are tough at your end, may be as you mentioned you want to be with her in good times, but let me tell you time doesn't wait for noone. Perhaps it will be a beautiful experience building up from scratch in tough times with that special someone. Don't think all girls are stupid and foolish and selfish specially like me. You might have had a couple of bad experiences but if you have loved this person, she was indeed the one then, why are you letting her go. wish I could lend you some of my obsessive nature. Little bit is ok, not too much, just enough to make you just go for her before it is too late. Seriously giant of a man you are and you let the one go! Focus sure on your career, you don't have to marry her or anything, she can just be there right with you right? and you both can help each other grow. Why take all this pain and talk about tears? I do know what it is to lose someone you care for, or believe you love and that's the only reason I am telling you all this. Think about it. Sometimes we sure need someone to share things with, the goods and the bads and i don't think its a sign of weakness or failure, its being human and that's why god made friends, family and partners because everyman needs someone in someway. Perhaps sometimes our egos, or self respect or whatever holds us back - these emotions only make us more vulnerable not strong!! So to a friend I would like to say as a friend reach out to who you want to instead of fighting the battle all alone who knows it might lighten the burden!!
ReplyDelete"You just know some things, without any proof or reasoning."
ReplyDeleteFor once just to be fair, try to stand where the other is standing. Try to look from there, the perspective will change. For once come out of your shell of thinking people are hurting you for no reason [they perhaps are but even they are hurt]. You might say why should i look from that perspective when the other is not looking from mine but perhaps the other has tried, tried to look from every perspective and failed.
If I can tell about me, I can say, yes I never cared what the world said, anonymous people said, i followed my heart, I was trying my best to defend, protect and guard but there was no support from the "one who mattered" whose words mattered - only "silence", "double identities", "blames", "disrespect" and then you feel broken, What was I defending so long, perhaps the world around is right!?!
Love and friendship are something, once they make home they don't just go away, they are always there in some form in some way, you have to also make an effort to protect it, guard it and show you care!
Anyways that was from my experience what I said. And of course you know what I mean. Even now I am trying to look for answers in your blogs, which is stupid I know. But somewhere inside I am feeling horrible and i am feeling bad for everything that happened and I am trying hard to look from your perspective. Trying to think if I missed out something [ofcourse from where I stand it is definite I have missed out a lot many things] and I am trying to go through this maze trying to make sense - obviously it isn't right either based on an assumed identity, based on some inner voice telling me things but anyways, as usual wrong right I don't know. I just want you to know people stay if you want them to stay and they go away if you want them to go away.
I would think this friend of yours might have had told you the same. So may be once see from that perspective and then decide if indeed there is a meaning!
I am not telling change yourself, become what the world wants you to be. No, but then do try to think what the other wants as well. I do understand all give give give becomes a heavy burden, so is all take take and take. There must be a balance met. If the other has taken too much let the other know, if the other cares, the other will try to restrain, sameway if you have taken a lot try to give a little back. Its not that you can really measure and weigh things in relationships of any kind, Oh I did so much, she didn't do anything, she did more bad than she did good to me. The day you start to bring calculations in there, it becomes "Mathematics" not "relationship". Relationship is more about "trying to understand". One individual understanding another individual completely is impossible, so basically the point is "am I ready to try to understand". And we make a choice of the 6 billion people whom we want to understand whom we don't want to understand and guess there's where things begin and you need to have the courage to stand by everything, come what may.
If you are waiting for that perfect day, that rosy day that's when you are going to make that effort, well let me tell you that day might be just one day, in between many cloudy stormy days. It will come, it will go and that's what life is anyways. Whatever you gotta do, you gotta do whether cloudy, stormy, rosy, sunny. why am I even writing all this, you have seen more days than me, possess more wisdom than me, you know more than me and perhaps whatever I am writing is nothing but gibberish. Anyways, had to say, so said it!
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ReplyDeleteWe have been friends, we are friends and we will always be friends. Because probably it is the purest of all relations. Not saying that other relations are not pure, but just that this seems to be more sacred to me than anything else. Yes I know what you mean by each and every line you said, even I have ben trying to protect, but for whom? Just for keeping the fire burning.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the para for the pefect day. Thanks for the idea... Perfect Day!!! I have always been a fan of your writing :-) I am sure you know that.