I'm Haunted (.............)

I have a very strange relationship with December, so how could I let it go without posting anything. I have been trying to write this one for the last 1 month or so. Probably the longest I have ever taken to write any post. Most of them are just a couple of hours of the unending lonely time. Last year... same time, things were so much different and better. A year more back in the history... still better. Is it still going to get worst next December? Why can't we just write a computer program to delete the memories from history which hurt us? I wish we could do that. 

I can cry all I want, and wish for things to be different, but that won't change anything in reality. It like I don't know who I am anymore. I need to start on a journey to find myself and then try to fix all my problems. I always have had this fear that you'll wake up and realize that I'm not as great as you once thought I was. I often find myself wondering about life, and whether or not anyone would care if I was here or not. I don't believe in running away from my problems. But right now, I'd do anything to get away from this place.

It would only be a matter of time before we both realize that the relationship could fall apart soon. I know that your memories would haunt me forever, but I hope that I would be able to accept my defeat boldly. Those memories would always remind me that I am a loser who never even understood the reason for losing. Still I know that it is because of me that I have lost that relationship. Yes I may be a loser, but I don't want to be called as Devdas as I have mentioned previously in some comments. There's no glory is being called a loser. All we have left is broken promises and broken hearts. Even if I had known this was the end, I would have still wanted to start.

Haunted

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

But I never thought I'd live to see it break

It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet

And I can't trust anything now

And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, I'm holding my breath

Won't lose you again

Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Can't breathe whenever you're gone

Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away

From everything we had

But I still mean every word I said to you

He would try to take away my pain

And he just might make me smile

But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, I'm holding my breath

Won't see you again

Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Can't breathe whenever you're gone

Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

I know, I know

I just know

You're not gone

You can't be gone, no

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it

And what's with the google search "killing me softly back to december". Seems like that post has become really famous that people are so fond of searching that post so frequently on the internet. What is so special in that post? I am yet to figure that out. Can you help me find this answer? By the way, I haven't experienced the same situation as you because all I have gone through might just be a few co-incidents. But I know what it means to go "insane". I know what's Deja Vu. I know what it means to be "freaked out". It is as if history is repeating itself with the same characters but in exactly opposite role. Sometimes goodbyes happen so suddenly and it breaks you down to the core. But as time goes on and you see the bigger picture, you will realize that you have became stronger. "Goodbye" became your motivation. It becomes an encouragement to make life worth living. This is exactly from me to you. Thank You for being a brief part in my lyf!!!

Something keeps me holding on to nothing...........